Returns of a Prodigal Nature

I used to hear stories. Some say, a blogger used to live around these parts, with eyes red and crazy from too much kimchi, and a chin as big as the day is long. Others insist this rakish character to be only a myth, a synthesis of urban legends and tired drinking stories, no more real than Bigfoot riding a UFO powered by Dave Matthews' talent. No doubt, he was probably a handsome motherfucker, and could totally pull off a moustache. Most believe the answer to be somewhere in between, ineffable and lost in the fog of time. But I still heard stories. It's been awhile, and now here are a few more:

I will be going to Thailand at the end of this month. As a way to ease back into this whole writing-about-stupid-shit-I-did game before I have to go balls-out with that story, allow me to share some anecdotes from my first few weeks in Daegu. When everything was still shiny and exotic and I was still the same cynical bastard but I didn't speak as much of the language. This will also be a bit of a photodump. Enjoy!

Back before I was given my own classes, I had to spend a week observing other teachers. You know, a chance to learn exactly how to apply the curriculum, how to handle the students, see what the classroom environment was like. Instead, I drew this picture inspired by Where The Wild Things Are (a direction I feel the movie did not adequately explore).

This actually disrupted the class I was watching, as students would rather pay attention to me drawing than the teacher teaching. Whoops.


These vertigo-inducing Monoliths are called Officetels, basically gigantic highrise apartment buildings that are fucking everywhere. At night, it gives the city a nice dystopian feel, you know, if you're into feeling like you live in Blade Runner.

You should know that the name for my blog came from a project one of my first classes did, where the students had to come up with solutions for global warming and pollution and whatnot. One student's idea was "poison robot plants", which I still didn't understand even after he attempted to explain it. Nevertheless, I am convinced it may be one of the most important ideas of the 21st century. It just sounds right. Anyways, I could (and probably will) make a whole post about crazy Korean students, but for now here's a poster by a student named George (who later had me rename him Vegito):

Even in Korea you can't escape Dragonball Z.


A bar that used to be near my apartment, with the most honest name I've ever seen. Unfortunately, they closed down when I finally tried to go. I'll always remember you, The Friend.

Now, there was a good chunk of time I spent looking for Club Heavy before I was ever actually able to find it. Here's some pictures from one of those nights searching:


I was drinking Cass Red the whole time while on the train and walking, because it is 6.9% sweet dream alcohol, which will keep my body strong and spirits high. I would keep drinking until I finished a can, walked into a convenience store, and got another. Public drinking 1, everything else in the world 0.


I've never wanted to work in a place so much in my whole life. An abstract workplace for my abstract work ethic.

After awhile I was getting tired of Cass Red, so I bought one of these:

Vodka Mudshake. Aw, this picture reminds me of how I lost my ring. Anyways, I figured this would go great with the coffee I also bought:


I was correct. Incidentally, the coffee was from a place called Sleepless In Seattle, although the bartender was noticeably unimpressed when I told her how I was from Seattle, and being in that cafe was like, whoa man. She did talk with me for a bit though, probably because Koreans are very tolerant of drunk people. And also my super smoothness.

I was starting to get hungry, so I bought a hot dog from a little street-side store I passed. I got a couple blocks away when I noticed something peculiar:

There was no dog in my hot dog. So I walk back to the store, and take a look at their sign:

Yup, they really sell dog-less hot dogs.

After I threw my hot onion-and-condiments away, I came across a curious spectacle at one of the intersections. Apparently when stores open here, they go all fucking out, hiring dancers, lights, music, and giving tons of stuff away for free. I can't tell you how many free donuts I've gotten, in addition to coffee mugs and rice cakes in the shape of cell phone logos.


Like I said, I never made it to Club Heavy on this trip, but I did find something else. Behold, Woobang Land:

A theme park in Daegu, built decades ago and from what I hear, not kept up very well. I snooped around a bit:

Here's the map. The tower thing at the top is Daegu tower, which I keep meaning to check it, if just to try the Sky Jump. Some of the attractions:

Sexuality Sowoojoo?

Ninza Turtle??

Cowboy laser shooting?! Oh yeah, I'm coming back here later.

Finally, on the walk back home I encountered the most pretentious and exclusive club in Korea:


Now, I'd like to end with some of my favorite bathroom graffiti I've found:


Until next time, Readers I Have Left. Even soon, maybe.