Training Week

Alright. I know a lot of you are probably expecting me to talk about my recent arrest, and while that's certainly a story I will eventually share, right now I want to get caught up in my timeline. It's my blog, screw you! However, where I last left off my week of training was starting, and since that was boring and tiring I'm just going to throw some random anecdotes and funny pictures at you, my darling readers. Enjoy!

-Some stuff about sex: massage parlors (both legit and otherwise) will often advertise themselves with a barber pole out front. You can insert whatever sexy haircut joke pleases you here. Brothels also like to advertise themselves as coffee shops where you can "rest", because one often associates rest with caffeine. So if you ever wander into a dimly lit cafe and the old woman in a fancy dress working there scowls at you when you order coffee, congratulations because you could be paying for sex! Another thing to watch out for is parking a car on a busy downtown street at night:



Because soon your windows will be covered in little prostitute business cards, like the fliers on a Vegas street. This car got off lucky compared to some of the others I saw completely covered with these little porn ads.

-Korea is a really big leg culture, so even if it's 20 degrees out you'll still see girls in miniskirts and hot pants. It's kind of wonderful, but also sad because none of them have an ass. A girl in my training made the interesting observation that it is specifically because these girls have no ass that they can wear such short skirts, because they don't have to worry about them riding up. Very interesting.

-I would leave the spice channel on in my room because, well, what else was I going to do in a love hotel room, and I happened to catch a weird porno where the actors seemed to be text messaging other people on their cell phones during sex. It was kind of awkward and off-putting. That's the story.

-I got an elderly Korean woman's number! The jist: I was getting food with a couple of my coworkers, and we were accosted by an old woman who insisted we go in the restaurant next to her. We didn't give the slightest of fucks, so we ate there and came back out. Being considerate foreign strangers, when we saw her outside I told her the place was pretty alright, which was apparently a cue for her to launch into a series of questions wherein she tried to recruit me as an English tutor. She was asking for my name, nationality, phone number, how much I charged, and when I said I didn't know the answer to (most of) these, she gave me her name and number like so:


(Numbers lazily blacked out to protect the innocent)

Of course, teaching outside my company would be in violation of my visa, but there's always a good chance I'll get deported anyways RITE GUYS?! If I'm ever back in Seoul, maybe I'll give her strange ass a ring. It's not like I could get in MORE trouble, our narrator typed, knowing exactly how much more damn trouble he could get into.

And that was a weird thing that happened in the middle of the street. So, a week went by and on the last night of training all of us went out for dinner and drinks and received this rad pitcher of beer:



wherein the beer is kept cool by dry ice. I thought it was pretty fucking neat. Anyways, the next day I passed my training and hopped on the train to Daegu, so my next post will finally have pictures of my apartment and hilaaaaarious stories about teaching little Korean kids. Or maybe I'll spill the arrest story for you vultures, who knows. But right now, I say farewell to Seoul and the Hotel Major, with your illicit salaryman affairs passing through at all hours!



We had some good times, old boy.